Marriage, Rishta problems ...

[Jazak'Allah]

Asalamualikum Maulvi Sahib,

I Hope you are doing well with the grace of Allah subhanu-Tallah. I am deep stress and I seek Allah's help and would like to have an opinion from the verses and Hadiths if possible.

If a brother's parents are forcing him to do something which is against his will in the sense of his marriage, what can be done? The actual picture is that his parents are wanting him not to marry this girl who is very religious and her parents are Mashallah religious too but his mother is forcing him to do things against his will. For example, she would not allow him to marry this girl without any reason and threatens to him that she would kill herself just so that her way could go around even if it is WRONG. She does not let her sons do what they want. I would understand if she said something best but she wants things done only her way even if they are wrong. Now, I want to know, if, lets say, the brother has already done a secret Nikah with the girl his mom wants him to leave, and later his parents do not agree even if THEY TRY SO MUCH. IS it allowed for him to leave his parents as they are stopping him to marry a religious girl who he has accepted as wife from his heart? Because as Allah is watching that he is being stopped from doing something that is nothing wrong with just because his mother is forcing him to go far from his happiness so that everything can be her way.

I am aware that in Islam, parents cannot force you to marry someone your heart does not accept. and Marriage in Islam is not by paper but by heart.

Is it true that if you accept someone by heart as husband or wife, they are accepted as husband and wife?

PLEASE HELP ME WITH THE BEST ANSWER POSSIBLE. THIS IS VERY URGENT AND WE DO NEED HELP WITH THIS. I would really appreciate it if you could answer this as soon as possible.

And, if he is allowed to leave his parents, what approach should he use in order to bring a proposal for that girl to her father in the near future? As for sure, her father will ask what about your parents or that how can i do this? Can the brother say that my parents have been forcing me to do something against my will and something Allah does not allow? and that I have my education and everything. What shall he do? Please help out.

With all of these questions, help us out please.
Jazak'Allah

Muslim Sister

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Please relate the thread topic to your question, instead of ''very important and Urgent''! Please bear this in mind in future.

_{Ghulam Mustufa}

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa'alaykum 'Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu


All Praise be to Allah who is the Lord of the Worlds, and may Endless Blessings be showered upon His Most Beloved, and Final Messenger of Islam, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa 'aalihi wa Sallam

There can be no force applied, in relation to marriages, as marriage must be coducted by the will of the person who is getting married, and the will of the person to whom he will be married. This is the reason why parents get involved so that both parties are happy, in getting married. The Qur'an states:

'fankihu ma taba lakum'

'thus marry, according to your strenghth.'

This relates to the strenghth of provision, maintenence of the wife, fulfilling rights etc. etc.

It seems that the mothers will of not letting the son be married is invalid, if the boy and the girl both have a legitimate intention of getting married to each other. It would be also noteworthy of what the father has to say, as it is best to have the blessing of both parents, at the time of marriage.

By not having the parents involved, is to have them in neglect, should any inconvenience occurs in the future, that would otherwise result in an undesired result. Therefore consultation, on the mothers behalf (by your father), would be deemed appropriate.

In Islam, there is no such thing as a secret marriage. It seems to me that you mean acceptance by heart, and not by ceremony. It is necessary (wajib), or fard (obligatory) rather, for a ceremony to take place, which includes the offer from the wives behalf known as ijab, and the acceptance, known as qubul. This is the major requirement for a marriage to take place. There must also be 2 witnesses present, however, there can be 3 or 4. The rest is sunnah acts like the khutbah, the walimah etc. etc.

It could be that the brother, has already conducted a marriage, as prescribed above, and that if he discloses the matter to his parents, his parents would want him to leave. At this point, the brother is free to leave as he pleases, or to discuss the pros and cons with his parents, to eradicate any confusuion, or misunderstanding, on their part.

Like I already mentioned above the nikah is a sunnah act, which has some components to it, that must be fulfilled. It is only when these conditions are fulfilled is that a person is legally married in Islam to his wife. If there is no witnesses, no acceptance and offer in front of them, and no witnessing of it, then there is no other form of marriage, and such a marriage is void, and invalid.

In relation to proposing to the girls father for the marriage, then it is not necessary that he himself goes to the father and makes the proposal. He can send a representative, someone who is understanding, learned, educated, experienced and so forth. One person that could be approached, is the imam of your local mosque, once it is explained to him that to prevent ourselves from committing sin, we wouldlike to get married. It could be also explained that your parents disagree, well your mother in the least, and that they do not acquire a method that is suitable, or legal, or even true, therefore nullifying your attempt to get married to a different person. It could be explained that the girl is happy, and you are happy, and that you have not indulged in any act which is punishable, or sinful, and to prevent that, you want to get married.

You could approach your sisters, or other relatives, who have a better understanding of your mum, who will inevitably persuade her into having a legal marriage. Thus there are other methods also, but the granting is up to the Almighty, in relation to your intention, your truthfulness, and your sincerity to Him. The more reliance you have in Him, the better the conclusion will be in your day to day affairs.

I pray that Allah the Almighty grants you your true desire of taking up this task for marriage, and ask you to keep it in prevention from worldy desires, personal desires, and keep it solely for His pleasure, and the pleasure of His Beloved Messenger Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa Sallam.


Jazak'allah for your question.





Wallahu A'lamu Biththawaab


M. Waseem Ashrafi