Can I say no to marriage if...

[Hasinah]

Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

I was concerned on marriage and what Islam has to say on it. All I 've heard is that one shouldnt inkaar "dissaprove" of one in marriage for he could be the good one (the one best for thee)

At home talks are going on for me getting marriad. My parents have been getting a request from this certain family for years now for me to marry their son. I've always said 'no' to him and of course that didnt reach his family... and till this day I hold a 'no ' against him....do I have an Islamic right to hold against him on the following things...:

1) hes not educated...

2) Hes in pakistan and I'm in the US, it has been clearly said, they want their son in the US , so they can educate their younger son here as well (meaning their son after marrying me will apply for his brother to come down to states)--which leads me to think this marriage is ONLY being down for the 'green card' that I hold.

3) He wont be able to drive or anything for he will need to re study exams and pass driving tests to fit california , or well the United states standards...

4) I will be the main provider, for he wont be educated and wont be able to do much except like work at a gas station or something, (which is something I'm not really looking for).Meaning I'll be paying for everything, even for him to get educated if thats the path he decides to take....

Am I allowed to say no to him for these reasons. I mean i'm not finding flaws in his looks , style , taste, I'm looking inthe long run, maybe its me being to westernized, but if I am doing it for wrong means please do let me know, and if possible I would like to get references from the Qur'an or aadith in which i can study with depth.

I hope ur understanding my point...

-Your sister in Islam-

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu.

Dear sister in Islam,

You may think that yours is the worst case that you are faced with, yet I have seen many similar cases.

First of all, if you are really concerned about your worldly life, money, shelter, food, provision etc. Then it is the mans duty to place all of these in front of his family, and not the womans, that is the first point.

Secondly, if you do not mind about him living with you, and that whether he provides or not, but wish to fulfill the desire of your parents, more than your own, then there is nothing wrong in that also.

Thirdly, sometimes if the husband is not educated to the standard of the wife, then there can be misunderstandings between the two. Where there are misunderstandings between the two, then it can sometimes lead to the breakage of the marriage.

Fourthly, it is wrong that a person marries on the condition that he recieves something back in return. For example a passport, or a visa for his brother. His intention then will not solely be for the purpose of marriage, but the latter two factors, may play a considerable role in him becoming married.

Although I have not quoted any verses from the Qur'an, or ahaadith, nevertheless, what I suggest you do is that you need to speak to one of your parents, and help them understand what your fears and hopes are. This way, your parents may have a feeling of responsibility, if when you are married, something goes wrong.

This marriage involves you, and it is also a sunnah of the Messenger of Allah Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa Sallam, to become married. If you disapprove of a person, for whatever reason, your parent(s) have a right to know what the disapproval is, and what action to take. But it is you who must tell them what you feel.

I can only give you references from the Qur'an and Hadith, that if you would like to study then it may educate you a little more upon the topic of marriage.

Surah al-Nisa, verse 22.
Surah al-Ahzab, verse 49.

In addition to this, Kitabun-Nikah, in any commentary of the Bukhari Sharif, Muslim Sharif, Tirmidhi Sharif, Abu Da'ud, Nisa'i or Ibn-e-Majah, may be helpful.

You may also study the books of Tafsir, on the Qur'an, on any of the above ayahs. Finally, any literature on marriage, the conditions of marriage, and what to do and what not to do, may also be helpful.

In the event of difficulty in learning, or wanting to understand something, do not hesitate to refer back with questions, as we may be able to help.

May Allah find an easy path for you in which you and your future may be stabalised. (amin).

Wallahu A'lamu Buththawaab .

M. Waseem Ashrafi.