Parents saying no to proposal...

[pakigurl]

Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

I urgently need your help on this matter. I am a memon girl who is interested in an urdu-speaking guy. We are both 21 years old and want to get married as soon as possible. I know by reading the age, everyone will think, "that's too young"...right? Well, thats understandable, but we're both ready to get married and the thing is, my mom knows about him and is hoping that i get hooked up somewhere else. He has talked to his family about me and Inshallah they are planning to propose within this month. I told my mom about this but she said they wont say yes because he's not memon and he's young and hasnt finished his studies yet. I dont believe any of these things are important in an Islamic point of view...right? He's Mashallah a good guy, has a good job, and a great family Alhamdulillah. At the moment he is unable to do his studies because he is the one taking care of his whole family, and all the payments of the house, as they have jus recently shifted to the US. His family is ready to accept me into their family...but my familys reasons aren't right. Worst part is, they care wayyy too much about what the society will say about all of this. Are they right in this? Honestly, I feel comfortable with this guy, I have a good feeling about our future together, I know i'll be happy with him. And plus, i trust this guy...i know for sure that he hasn't done anything wrong in the past, and i know he's not the type who would cheat or play around in the future. My mom however, tells me that if i marry this guy, since it'll be "love marriage", my marriage will without a doubt end up in a divorce, OR he'll definitely beat me and keep me very unhappy. Isn't this wrong to say?? Am i doing something wrong here by wanting to marry this guy? Please help me asap. If i am not doing nething wrong, what can i do or say to convince my parents that this isn't wrong?

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa'alaykum 'Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,


Praise be to Allah Almighty who is the Lord of the Worlds, and may Endless Blessings be showered upon His Most Beloved, and Last Messenger of Islam, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa (Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa 'aalihi wa Sallam)


Jazak'Allah for your question related to marriage. As a matter of fact, I personally do not think that 21 is an age where anyone would object to a marriage. It is better for a person to get married at such an age, than to be involved in sin, prior to getting married. If your mother already knows about him, then she may need convincing, on your part, as to why you should be getting married to him, what the benefits would be, and assurance should be given to the fact that the marriage would in fact work.


Just because the guy is too young, or relatively the same age, does not mean to say that you can't get married to him. People who get married, who are often of a similar age, have a greater understanding between themselves, than those people , who have a greater gap limit, in the age. This fact should also be explained to your mum.


As far as the guy not finishing his studies yet, does not mean to say that the marriage should not be taking place. I personally knew a lot of people who were married, yet they were still studying at college or university. Besides, marriage, should not prevent anybody form studying, because in Islam, it is fard upon a Muslim, to remain a student of Islam, from the 'cradle, to the grave'.


If the guy is providing for the family, in terms of paying the bills, providing food, and instalments etc. then I do not see why he wont be able to do that when he gets married, and starts his own family. If anything, he would be able to provide more sufficiently, as there will only be the two of you, at first. If their family, is ready to accept you, into their family, their should be no burden upon your family, and your family does not need to worry about what other people would say.


Once your family starts to worry about what other people would say, then as long as they are not doing anything contrary to the Shar'iyyah, they will not be thinking as independantly as they should in this case, and they will be fulfilling the desires of other people rather than what is more meaningful to them.


They should not think that if a person is a 'non-Memon', then he should not be able to marry a 'Memon' girl, but they should see who they are, what their characteristics are like, are they religious, respectable, educated etc. Once these things have been found out, then it doesnt really matter, what society really says, as you would have already fulfilled the criteria of looking for a good guy. Sometimes, good families end up in bad societies, and tend to live according to that bad society. This is against the principles of Islam, as you have to uphold your honour, prestige, esteem etc.


I hope that you will explain some of the points mentioned above, to your parents, and by the Grace of Allah the Almighty, they shall understand. May Allah the Almighty accept your intention, and may He fulfill your permissable desires.



Jazakallahu khayrann


M. Waseem Ashrafi