My rights

[muslima]

I am Assalamu 'Alaykum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu

getting married despite it being against my wishes, I am trying to embrace this proposal as I believe Allah has led me to it, and it maybe good for my hereafter.

As I did not want to get married, i have trouble accepting it, so I tried to get involved in the organisation, meaning decoration (not the serious organisation, just minor things i enjoy doing) My family do not agree with this, they tell me I am being too modern and english for wanting this a certain colour, or to have printed napkins, they always say what will society think. But i find helping do these things is my way of accepting this and trying to be apart of it. Am I doing wrong by making these little choices, making it mine by wanting to add these little touches to my wedding day look??
They dont seem to understand, they only care what others may think or say, or having things teh way they want it. But i feel that if im trying and not doing anything indecent then isnt that a good thing. It would be nice to have my wedding look the way i id like it to look. That is the only thing I can do, I havent chose my partner, my parents forced me to see him and then I agreed as if i didnt im not sure what they would do, they may not speak to me again, also he seemed like a good person.

Im finding everythign gets on top of me, like not being able to decide anything and being so restricted with everything. I have told them, but my mum always tells me that i am different from her other children, i am not good, that i may not get her dua from her when i leave the house for marriage because she doesnt like me making these small choices.

I just want to know is it ok islamically for me to make these small irrelevant choices that I enjoy doing to make my wedding mine?

Thank you
Allah Hafiz

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa'alaykum 'Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu,


All Praise be to Allah, who is the Lord of the Worlds, and may Endless Blessings be showered upon His Most Beloved, and Final Messenger of Islam, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa (Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa aalihi wa Sallam)


Jazak'Allah for your question dear Sister in Islam. However I am a little suprised at the question that you have posed to me. First of all, I must tell you that where a Sister asks about marrying someone, then it is normal (from the information given), that the girl wants to marry who she likes, with or without her parents consent. But your situation is far from that. You seem modest, truthful, and sincere about your situation. Your parents have chosen for you (which is good), but you somewhat disagree, and there is nothing wrong with that. Why should you marry someone, who later on in life, you have no guarantee for?


You must make a compromise with your parents. You must accept some form of guarantee from them. Tell them to make another choice for you. One that will benefit you, or a choice that can be made later, which will give you time to think. That will be better for you in the long run. And even if you have come to an agreement with them, of course you can make the necessary arrangements for your wedding! After all it is you, who is getting married!


Whether you have decided to get married for the pleasure of your parents, or whether it is to please Allah the Almighty, it will be up to you to make sure you are making the right decisions.


Who said you cant have a colour that you like, and who said you cant have printed napkins!!!? And if youre asking the question of whether this is unislamic or not, then the answer to that is simple, it is'nt. Islam allows you to have the colour you like, what napkins you like, what to have for walimah, who to call, who not to call, but i dont think Islam allows you to be upset, if you disagree on a wedding issue! You must make it clear to your parents, what it is that you want, before it's too late!


Dont do anything indecent. Dont be unhappy about a person that you have seen, and are unsure about for the expense of your parents. Allah the Almighty is the Most Glorious, the Most Merciful. He will answer all your doubts and questions. It may be that He is putting you through a test, to see if you comply. And once you comply He may have reward in that for you. There may be numerous benefits in there for you, so that you may lead a prosperous life, and at the same time, you will be keeping your parents happy.


Just ignore your parents threats about not giving you du'a, for not listening to them. Had it been a greater issue than that of napkins, and colours, then the advice may have been somewhat different. But it is'nt like that. Parents always have a du'a in their hearts for their children. This you will never be deprived of.


Become a beacon, a mountain. Face evrything with patience (sabr), and try and prove to yourself, that if you go through this test successfully, there will be no other test as hard as this, that you wont be able to pass. Pray your five times Salaah, as there is nothing more unIslamic than not praying Salaah sincerely. This will ease all your hardships, and once again you will be sailing in that ship, which was once yours.


Dear sister, never try and give up to worldly desires of other people, let alone your own. Treat them with a pinch of salt, and stand in front of them, headstrong, so that, when they come to you again, it will be for a different reason. Then demonstrate your power of mercy, and relentlessness towards them, and Allah the Almighty will love you for it. He will open up all the doors of heaven for you, on earth, and you will not even realise it.


And most of all, keep making supplication to Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta'ala), that He may take you into places with His guidance and approval, and not with His misguidance and disapproval, that He make yours, and our world, and hereafter, a better place, so that we may make the Eternal journey, and most of all, never give up the struggle.


May Allah the Almighty, accept all our prayers, supplications, invocations, pious desires, and needs. And may He make our lives, and the lives of the hereafter, good for us. (Amin)



Wallahu A'lamu Biththawaab



M. Waseem Ashrafi