Engagement and Marraige

[tarah]

Selam Aleykum,

I am a convert and have been engaged to my fiance for 8 months. We intended to marry in July. I was previously divorced and have daughters from that marriage. My fiance (whom is Muslim) hid my divorce and children from his parents until I decided to end the relationship. He wanted to hide that i had children until we married but I felt it not Halal, and so I ended our engagement.

He has also been verbally abusive, and neglectful of teaching me Islam since I have converted though I am persuing learning as much as I can on my own. I ended out engagement 3 days ago, and even since then he and his mother have constantly called me and emailed me begging me to come back. But his mother was not aware until last night why I left. He has been saying to my friends I am a bad muslim because I broke our engagement.

My question is should I continue with our engagement since he has told his parents about my children eventhough he has become neglectful and verbally abusive. He has said that if he dies it is because of me. I am feeling much guilt for ending our engagement but I felt I was doing good by being honest. I am in need of some guidance. I performed Istahikara and it was very confusing, but ever since then he has shown his true colors of being very hateful.

Please let me know if I am doing something haram by breaking our engagement. I am feeling that if I were to marry him things would only become worse, but It has become very hard to break away from his family because his mother is not aware of how he is treating me. They are saying if I am good muslim that I will stand by his side, and he is saying same.

I know this is very lengthy but I would appriciate any guidance. I am wanting to live a life that is good for my Deen.

Thankyou

Tarah

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem

Wa'alaykum 'Assalam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu


All Praise be to Allah who is the Lord of the Worlds, and may Endless Blessings be showered upon His Most Beloved, and Final Messenger of Islam, Hadrat Muhammad Mustafa Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa 'aalihi wa Sallam


Jazak'allah for your question.


Marriage is a sunnat (praiseworthy tradition) of the Beloved Prophet of Allah Salla Allahu ta'ala 'alayhi wa Sallam and must be taken seriously by each partner and by all the related families involved in this union. However a succesful marriage is one that is open, where their is complete trust, their are no secrets nor skeletons in the closet which could potentially harm or jeopardise the relationship in future years.


In answering your question sister, then yes you should go back and get married as long as you both trust one another, and their are no secrets and more importantly nothing is hidden or kept from your fiances parents. You must be brave and confront your fiance about his behaviour and how it affected you, and you must tell his parents everything about your previous marriage/children before you are married yourselves. Preferably arrange a meeting with them in front of witnesses, regarding why you had to break the engagement.


Insha'Allah the marriage will be successful if you both love one another, have trust, and stay focussed on being good practising muslims, and not getting distracted whenever their is a hiccup or two. What more can a parent ask for.


In Surah al Baqarah [v.112], Allah the Almighty says :

'' Be sure that We shall test you with something of fear and hunger, some loss in goods, lives, and the fruits (of your toil), but give glad tiding to those who patiently persevere.''

Wallahu A'lamu Biththawaab


M. Waseem Ashrafi