Post by nalou on Jan 13, 2008 14:26:00 GMT
My husband and I found eachother through the internet and it only took him 5min of knowing my name to decide he wanted to marry me. He asked my family for my hand in marriage the following week. He was in the process of divorce at that time so it took my family and his sometime to accept. BUT HE'S BEEN MY BEST FRIEND EVER SINCE!
Now, he is a drinker and a smoker and does not pray or fast!I knew that from the very beginning but he promised it wasn't forever and he would change. Now, I'm the complete opposite! I always disagreed with it but because it he didn't drink very often i ignored it UP UNTIL he started to be VERY distant from me! Even raising his hand to me! Verbally abusive too. Now I find out that he had a SECRET GIRL Buddy for many of our HAPPY years together who he has seen from a distance(so he says) and is mainly a phone friend. She was his friend evn during her marriage which has since ended (with his help, I believe). But i can't help but blame his NOW heavy drinking and ABUSE to me on her. My mom passed less than 4months ago and all he could think of was calling her so that SHE can calm him down. (I checkd his call detail) He now wants her to become his wife but I don't think he will be fair to us because he HASN'T been for quite sometime and he doesn't do his wajib(salaat, fast...etc) and he is many many thousands of dollars in debt, so why should it be ok for him to make her a constant in my life when ALL i have is resentment towards her (and him as long as he still wants her for his wife)! She knows of me. My name, my children's names, what we do with our time together, etc. and i didn't even know she existed. I know i shouldn't pass judgement but i can't help not trust her as a good muslima becuz of her actions with my husband. I believe that with every year you grow so does your mind. You should be going closer to ALLAH and not be as dumb as a teenager and have secret relationship. She could have messed up sum3at ha and sharaf 3ayilat ha. My husband thinks im being mean by not agreeing to them being married. BUT i have agreed! I told him to remarry his 1st exwife and I told him in the future i would find him a wife should should there be a girl who really needs to be cared for. I always said that if he married again it would be FOR HER not him but I'm still young, healthy, and not to toot my own horn but i think I look good. Im approaching 30 and ppl think i'm 20 still. I don't think he needs this specific girl because i don't trust her intentions. i told him i want to know her and when she becomes my friend she will be his wife. he hasn't set up anything yet and I dont know if i'm even capable due to her being the cause of all the bad i've ever had with my husband. He had a best friend in her which is why he saw me as boring. Does anyone know if this would be considered a HALAL marriage considering all the above? This is my dilemma! It is so easy to say go ahead and marry her becuz i know he can islamically. Bt the fact that they have been secret loves for over 4yrs that I KNOW of i'm confused. The Prophet SAW loved Hadhrat Khadija alone and never married again until after she died. He probably never would have considered marrying again if it weren't for his status among the people. The reason for his marriages was for each of the roles they played in the UMMAH. They helped him with teaching and helping the women in the community and nursed them to health during the wars at that time.
My husband doesn't allow me many friends and I dont do much outside of my home so I don't see the point of another woman! Please give me islamic answers!!! No oppinions please!
Now, he is a drinker and a smoker and does not pray or fast!I knew that from the very beginning but he promised it wasn't forever and he would change. Now, I'm the complete opposite! I always disagreed with it but because it he didn't drink very often i ignored it UP UNTIL he started to be VERY distant from me! Even raising his hand to me! Verbally abusive too. Now I find out that he had a SECRET GIRL Buddy for many of our HAPPY years together who he has seen from a distance(so he says) and is mainly a phone friend. She was his friend evn during her marriage which has since ended (with his help, I believe). But i can't help but blame his NOW heavy drinking and ABUSE to me on her. My mom passed less than 4months ago and all he could think of was calling her so that SHE can calm him down. (I checkd his call detail) He now wants her to become his wife but I don't think he will be fair to us because he HASN'T been for quite sometime and he doesn't do his wajib(salaat, fast...etc) and he is many many thousands of dollars in debt, so why should it be ok for him to make her a constant in my life when ALL i have is resentment towards her (and him as long as he still wants her for his wife)! She knows of me. My name, my children's names, what we do with our time together, etc. and i didn't even know she existed. I know i shouldn't pass judgement but i can't help not trust her as a good muslima becuz of her actions with my husband. I believe that with every year you grow so does your mind. You should be going closer to ALLAH and not be as dumb as a teenager and have secret relationship. She could have messed up sum3at ha and sharaf 3ayilat ha. My husband thinks im being mean by not agreeing to them being married. BUT i have agreed! I told him to remarry his 1st exwife and I told him in the future i would find him a wife should should there be a girl who really needs to be cared for. I always said that if he married again it would be FOR HER not him but I'm still young, healthy, and not to toot my own horn but i think I look good. Im approaching 30 and ppl think i'm 20 still. I don't think he needs this specific girl because i don't trust her intentions. i told him i want to know her and when she becomes my friend she will be his wife. he hasn't set up anything yet and I dont know if i'm even capable due to her being the cause of all the bad i've ever had with my husband. He had a best friend in her which is why he saw me as boring. Does anyone know if this would be considered a HALAL marriage considering all the above? This is my dilemma! It is so easy to say go ahead and marry her becuz i know he can islamically. Bt the fact that they have been secret loves for over 4yrs that I KNOW of i'm confused. The Prophet SAW loved Hadhrat Khadija alone and never married again until after she died. He probably never would have considered marrying again if it weren't for his status among the people. The reason for his marriages was for each of the roles they played in the UMMAH. They helped him with teaching and helping the women in the community and nursed them to health during the wars at that time.
My husband doesn't allow me many friends and I dont do much outside of my home so I don't see the point of another woman! Please give me islamic answers!!! No oppinions please!
