women visiting graves

[PBUH]

asalam alaikum

Can you tell me if women are allowed to visit graves of their loved ones with or without male family members ?

[Imam]

Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim.

Wa'laykum-as-Salaam, wa Rahmatullahi wa Brakaatuhu.

The question is a very good question, probably a contraversial question when first read by the majority of people, tending to give a straight forward yes, or no answer.
However, this can only come to light when we study what the Book of Allah the Almighty states, and what the Hadith-ash-Sharif states, in the beautiful words of our Master, the Noble Messenger (peace be upon Him).

The purpose of visiting a grave is so that we remember what we shall have to encounter in the grave, and beyond the grave. In the Mishkat Sharif, where Hadrat 'A'isha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her), asks the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him), what shall I say when I go to the visitation of the graves, and the Messenger (peace be upon Him) replies to her, clearly indicates that a woman has been given permission to visit the grave, and that which has been stated that Allah's curse is on those women who visit the graves has been, abrogated by this Hadith. It is worth noting that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him) did not prohibit Hadrat 'A'isha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her) from going to the visitation of the graves, but instead taught her what to do, and what to pray. Some people have said that those women who go on visitation who cry and scream, and make themselves an obstruction for other visitors should be stopped, and only those specific (khas) women who know the rules relating to visitation should go.
In another Hadith of the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him) which is narrated by Buraydah (may Allah be pleased with him) who said that the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him) said:
'nahayta kum 'an ziyaratil quburi fa zuruha'
'I prohibited you from visiting the graves, now visit them'
means that in the beginning of Islam, when there was so much evil happening, and the only good was being established by the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him), and His few followers, so there was the fear that people who were new to Islam, may indulge themselves into the habit of worshipping graves after so many years of having the habit of worshipping idols. When Islam became fully established, and confirmed (rasikh), then that prohibition became abrogated (mansukh). A classical example of this is when alcohol became prohibited (haram), so was the use of all those bowls or cups which the alcohol was once served in, so that the people didnt look at such objects and revert back to drinking once again, similarly, when the people were inhabited from being free of drink, then the use of such bowls and objects was again abrogated (mansukh).
The above Hadith, or part of Hadith, makes the act of visiting the graves commendable (mustahab). The truth is that in this order (hukm), women are also included, that they have also been given the permission of visiting the graves. But now in this day visiting of the graves could be classified as:
a) Visiting the Noble Grave of the Noble Messenger (peace be upon Him)
b) Visiting the graves of the pious predecessors
c) Visiting the graves of family (i.e. mother/father)
d) Common visits to the graveyard.
Out of all four, emphasis must be placed upon the visiting the Shrine of our Noble Messenger (peace be upon Him), which is the centre of the acceptance of all invocation and supplication, where everyone is treated equally by mercy, and where the endless mercies are searched for by 70,000 angels during the day and 70,000 angels during eve, and only once in their lifetime. Even then, there is the permission just as Hadrat A'isha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with her) had when the Grave of the Noble Messenger was placed in the room where she lived. This is why it was said:
'man zara qabri wajabat lahu shafa'ati'
'who ever visited my grave, my intercession is made necessary for him'
which applies both to male and female, as it is our belief that Hadrat A'isha Siddiqa (may Allah be pleased with Her) is one of the most deserving of this. However, the woman should not go to a place where there are only men paying visitation, or at a time when men are present, or without a mahram, or if she does not know how to perform visitation, or what to pray or recite during visitation. If she comes across a place during a journey where there is no one, then she may pay visitation, just as Hadrat 'A'isha (may Allah be pleased with her paid visitation of Hadrat 'Abd-ar-Rahman, during one of her journeys.
It must be remembered, that the word 'zuru' is an outright order, therefore it is permissable (ja'iz), for Muslims to travel for visitation. When it is permissable to attend at the doctors, hospitals and clinics for physical treatments, then why would it not be permissable to travel to graves of the pious predecessors for the spiritual treatment?
If one encounters the wrongful acts of shirk, and bid'ah by other persons during visitations, then he/she must not give up their own act of visitation, but try to prevent such acts from happening, as 'zuru' is again an absolute (mutlaq) command (amr), just see, did the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon Him) did not give up going to the ka'bah before migration (hijrah), although kept therin were the idols of the odol worshippers? Rather when he got the chance he drove them out, and cleared it of all false dieties, darknesses and evils.
In summary, it is o.k. for women to visit the Grave of Our Noble Messenger (peace be upon Him), as nowadays they do have sufficient provision for women. They may go to the grave of there close ones to convey the reward when no men are present, and if on there travels they come across a grave of a well known saint or pious personality, then they may also stop, and pay visitation, provided there is a mahram present with them.

and Allah is the knower of the All.

M. Waseem Ashrafi